New post "Before Dating a Jersey Girl ...." has been published on Raz"s World
1. I don’t scare easily. People who are born and raised in New Jersey have dealt with more road ragers and sloppy meatheads than most will encounter in a lifetime. Things like commitment issues and creepy pickup lines don’t faze me.
2. My family is so important to me. Quoth ultimate matriarch and Real Housewives of New Jersey star Caroline Manzo: “We are thick as thieves.” We talk often. Every day! If you’re not cool with how frequently I’m texting my mom, you are probably not a good fit for me.
3. You’ll need to meet all my aunts, uncles, cousins, and cousins of cousins before this thing goes anywhere. There’s a lot of them. You’ll need to get them all straight and learn to love them too. Oh, and if you treat me poorly, you will answer to them and their hit men friends. I’m kidding. I’m kidding!!!
4. My confidence is one of my best features. I have great hair too but I’m prouder of my attitude.
5. I existed before Jersey Shore, you know. I wasn’t birthed by a tanning bed in 2009 and haven’t spent every day since fist-pumping with reckless abandon. The shore is holy place for Jersey girls because our childhood summers were spent there. That being said, I’ve got a little bit of this in me too:
6. It’s not my fault I’m so defensive. Have you spent your entire life defending your choice to live in a tiny, smelly, traffic-filled state? Does that sound like fun to you? Do you know how many opinions one person can take on Garden State? Do you even lift, bro? Do you even lift?
7. You can take me to the most luxurious beaches and I still will never love a place more than Point Pleasant. Is there another place in the world that smells of salty funnel cake and ~*MeMoRiEs?
8. Great stamina is in my DNA. Ask me how many bar mitzvahs I can conquer in an evening.
9. I am never afraid to speak my mind. This goes hand-in-hand with all that confidence I mentioned.
10. I am fiercely loyal. Once I love a person, I love him or her unconditionally. Maybe it comes from how close I am with my family or maybe it is the fact that my sports teams never. Ever. Win. And yet I will root for them until I die. This quality makes me a badass girlfriend and a super-solid human in general.
11. I am strong because I’ve conquered the Turnpike. I am impatient because I’ve sat on it for six hours straight every other summer Friday every year since I got my permit.
12. I fucking love diner food. Do you realize the depth of culinary possibilities you have when you enter a real, true New Jersey diner? Yes, there are shit ones too, but I know where the best ones are and I will never lead you astray. Do you realize what you can do with two orders of cheese fries and all the melt options? Do you realize?
13. No, I really love diner food. I’m not kidding when I say it’s a deal breaker if you don’t.
14. Don’t try and tell me a New York bagel beats a Jersey one. I’m more than happy to make the trip to the City and try for comparison’s sake, but again, I know what I’m talking about re: food and spreads.This applies to all pizza and boardwalk snacks in the United States as well.
15. Pumping my own gas will never be in the cards. It’s just how I was raised and who am I to break one of Jersey’s holiest traditions? You will be the one getting out of the car to pump gas whenever necessary.
16. I am in most in my element at a Bruce Springsteen concert. Give me BRUUUUUUUCE in the summertime and I’m a happy girl.
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Before Dating a Jersey Girl ....
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